Laya's place

Ten things...

2006-11-12T19:49:00.000-08:00

My daughter tagged me with this "Ten things I'd like to kick" meme. Problem is, I don't really do kicking. If she had asked for "Ten People Whose Carotid Artery I Would Like To Rip Out With My Fingernails" then we would have a list! But I know she's checking to see if I do it, so here are:

5 Petty Annoyances:

1) The repaving of my street, neccessiated by

2) The tearing up of my street. (Done over the past month, for no discernible reason.)

3) Christmas Carols. They get stuck in my head, words and all. 15 minutes in a mall and I'm "Dreaming of a White Christmas" for three days.

4) Library overdue fines.

5) People who never wash their coats. Some folks don't seem to realize that if you wear your coat all winter, it picks up sweat, which turns to major BO. You walk past someone like this in a store, and the whole aisle stinks. Put the damn thing in the laundry!

I'm not tagging anyone specific, because I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore. First three commentors, consider yourselves tagged.

9/11 Happy Birthday?

2006-09-11T13:47:00.000-07:00

Today is my daughter's birthday. Six years ago, after what would have to be termed a bare minimum of labour, I gave birth to a little girl who is the sweetest, friendliest, most light-filled of my children.

Five years ago, I was poking around online when the first unbelievable bulletins came over the Internet. I scooped her up and ran over to the school where my husband and the rest of the kids were. He was gathering the older kids and the teachers into the auditorium to say Tehillim. I remember turning to the English translation siddurim for the secular teachers, none of whom are Jewish. The nursery teacher was having hysterics, so I went to the classroom to sit with the kids. I told them there was a big fire in New York, that a plane had crashed into a building. My husband and son went outside to raise the flag.

How am I supposed to feel today? There is a special website for people like my daughter, birthdayspirit.org. Their motto is "Celebrating the goodness born on a tragic day." I guess that's us.

Back to Real Life

2006-08-17T12:20:00.000-07:00

As you may have deduced from my absence from blogging, I did not have a computer at camp this year. I also did not have a bear in my cabin, though we did see a timber rattlesnake one day. other than that, I chased my kids, took them swimming in the Delaware River, treated mosquito bites, and generally did the camp thing for a month and a half. I brought the younger kids home with me, have to go back next week to get the older ones. There must be a better way to do this.

It's That Time of the Year Again

2006-07-01T20:43:00.000-07:00

We're off to Boy Scout Camp again. Maybe I'll be posting from there, maybe not. Maybe my cabin will have a door that keeps the bear out, maybe not. Have a safe and healthy summer, everyone!

The Nachas Report

2006-06-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

My daughter graduated from elementary school last night. She recieved an award for Excellence in Limudei Kodesh and one for Chumash. She was also listed on the program as being among the girls with perfect grades in Math, Language Arts, Torah B'al Peh, and Chumash for grades 7 and 8. And she also looked truly beautiful. How could I possibly deserve this one? Clearly she is a gift from G-d, as are her siblings. Their father and I just look at them sometimes and wonder how we got so lucky.

Are There Sheep In Your Dessert?

2006-06-13T19:18:00.000-07:00

It's the time of the year when my long-suffering hubby has to grade term papers written by teenagers in the middle of the night the day they are due. Because the hour is so late and the writing is so rushed, these kids have no time to edit or proofread anything, so these papers are swarming with errors in grammar, spelling, logic and of course fact.

Some examples, drawn verbatim from this year's "final products":

...Moses led his flock of sheep into the dessert.

While Moses was taking care of his father-in-law, the priest of Midian's sheep...

At the age of 25, Rashi invented his own language, Old French...

Moses has several characteristics that combine to create an audacious devoted leader...

Rashi interoperated on the verse...

The original Bible that was printed in 1567 by Daniel Bomberg, included Rashi's commentaries.

My Feel Good Shiur

2006-06-04T19:01:00.000-07:00

I was asked to be one of the speakers at or shul's Women's Shiur on the second Day of Shavuot. We were each supposed to pick one of the Ten Commandments to speak about. I wanted an easy one, so I picked Shabbat. Actually, I picked the easy side of Shabbat, the "Remember the Sabbath day to sanctify it".

As I started researching this, I found that most of the mitzvot in this category are things we already do, which made this a real hit with the ladies. Shopping for Shabbat is part of the mitzva; we all do that. We clean our houses, set the table, change to Shabbat clothes; all taken care of.

It's even part of this mitzva to speak differently on Shabbat. Now, one angle on that is that since it is a mitzva for husband's and wives to be affectionate with each other on Shabbat, it is forbidden to fight with one's spouse on Shabbat or even on Friday afternoon! The other half of speaking differently is that we say "Shabbat Shalom" or "Good Shabbos" instead of our usual greetings. This is actually an observance of the mitzva of "Remembering Shabbat".

Don't you feel like you got that one for free?

Help!

2006-05-25T19:05:00.000-07:00

In case any of you are wondering why I haven't been commenting on your blogs, I'm having a little problem. I can't see the letters on the "visual verification" thing. I just see a box with a little wheelchair symbol in it. Anybody know what to do?

Final Chidon Post (for this year)

2006-05-16T05:23:00.000-07:00

Canada held is Chidon HaTanach yesterday. Tzipporah, who is in 9th grade, only got as far as the semifinals (that means she was in the top 10, but not top 5). The high school division was really intense this year. Rivka, in 8th grade, won the competition for her level (7-8). She was also announced as having had a perfect score!

Now maybe I can hear (and post) about something else for a while?

My Week in Israel

2006-05-07T01:13:00.000-07:00

I arrived in Israel on Thursday afternoon. Stopped at theMinistry of Tourism desk in the airport and got some guidebooks and maps. The guide they gave me to Jerusalem was to become extremely important to me. So I got my luggage and found a Sherut shuttle which agreed to take me to my husband's uncle's house. The street he lives on is very short. The Sherut drived dumped me and my stuff, so I had to ask a guy passing by where Moshe Poupko lives. I started to wrestle my (way too big) suitcase up the steps. Maishel (that's what his sister, my m-i-l calls him) and his wife Chani gave me a warm welcome.

As we were having dinner, their daughter calls and says she just heard on the radio that a Canadian won the Diaspora competition! We were very excited and started calling family back in Canada and in the States. After a while, I settled down, pulled out my guidebooks, and started trying to plan how to see as much as possible in the time I had. Since I only had half of Friday (I was supposed to pick up my son at noon and take him to his grandfathers grave) I chose the Egged 99 Bus for Friday morning. Moshe and Chani told me how to buy a bus pass and get to the Tachana Mercazit, the Central Bus Station, and Binyanei HaOoma, the Convention Center where I was supposed to meet him. The fact that they just sent me off on my own might sound cold, but it actually is what gave me the confidence to do the rest of the week the way I wanted to, and I'm really grateful to them.

I took a bus from their neighborhood that got me to the Tachana Mercazit with lots of time to spare, so I walked around inside and outside. The 99 is a double decker bus, bright red, that takes about 2 hours to drive past most of the significant sights of Jerusalem. It stops at many of thses sites so you can get off and get back on the next bus 2 hours later to continue the tour. While on the bus there is a recorded tour that you can listen to in your choice of about 8 languages. The cost is 45 shekels, about $9CAD. I was the only one on the bus when it started, so I got to sit in the front of the second floor. I had a great view of everything and really got a feel for what I wanted to come back to and look at longer. The bus passes most of the gates of the Old City but does not go inside.

We got back to the bus station at 10:45 or so. I decided to walk to the market at Machane Yehuda. I figured that whatever souveniers I bought, I would get less ripped off if I shopped where the locals do. I walked around the shops and stalls, bought a hat for myself, a kipa for one son, a skirt for my daughter. When I asked the price on the skirt, the salesman said 100 shekel. I said I'd think about it . 80 shekel. I told him I wanted to look around. 70 shekel. I walked out of the store. He put it in a bag and followed me, yelling 65 shekel! I bought the skirt. The I took a bus back to the bus station. I was at Binyanei HaOoma at 11:45, but he didn't get there until almost 1:00. Most of the time I spent with the other dad from Toronto, but after a while I met a mom from Australia whose son was rooming with mine, so we all waited together.

I took Yisrael Mordechai into the bus station to have lunch in the food court. Good thing to, because places were starting to close. Then we found a taxi that agreed to take us to the cemetary in Beit Shemesh and back. We found Zaidie's grave and said Tehillim for him, then found Aunt Shoshana and said Tehillim for her too. We got back to Moshe and Chani's and got ready for Shabbat. We had a lovely Shabbat dinner with Moshe and Chani, their kids and kids-in-law, a couple of grandkids and some guests.

The next morning, I woke up very early. Maishel had said he was going to 5:30am minyan, so I got dressed and went with him. We had Kiddush at home and sent the boys off to 7:30 minyan. Then Aunt Chani said she was going to shul. I decided to walk with her. When I dropped her off, it was 8:15. She reccomended that I walk around Meah Shearim and Beit Yisrael, and meet her at home at 10:30. I walked into Meah Shearim, then out of it, and realized the street I was on was Shivtei Yisrael. I knew from my maps and from the bus tour yesterday that this street leads to the Old City. Also there were lots of people walking down it. I was supposed to go to the Kotel at Mincha, so as to be able to take the bus back after Shabbat, but I couldn't wait any more. I walked straight down to Sha'ar Yafo. When I got to the gate I was actually trembling, almost afraid to go in. But I did. I followed a Chassidish-looking family (through the shuk) to the Kotel.

I'm going to have a hard time explaining the next bit. Seeing the Kotel for the first time as an adult, and not a young one. Maybe I should leave it to the imagination. One extraordinary thing, unique to the Women's area, is the silence. Women come, sit down pray, say Tehillim, or just stand at the stones. There is a certain amount of shifting around, as women leave the Wall and others take their places, but there is no talking. In that way, the changing of places, the coming and going, it reminded me of a Shiva house. Definitely the silence is louder than any words.

I left the Kotel (very reluctantly) in time to get back to Moshe and Chani's by 10:30.

Shabbat afternoon I asked Chani to help me find the home of the Machlis family (read about them in a blog page called The Machlis Experience). They are professionals in the mitzva of Hachnasat Orchim who often host 100 or more guests at their Shabbat meals. (They are also our cousins-in-law on the Witty side.) Chani knew where they lived, and of course the door was open. Rabbi and Mrs Machlis were sleeping, but I met some of their teenage kids and guests. Eventually Henny (Mrs. Machlis) came out and we had a nice talk. Her husband emerged only just in time for Mincha but said he would really love to meet my son, so Henny walked me back to the Poupkos to get him and he went with her to her house. After Shabbat, I picked him up and we went to catch the bus to Beit Shemesh to visit cousins there. It was quite late because he had stayed with Rabbi Machlis for so long, but he was not sorry.

My cousin in Beit Shemesh is Yona, daughter of Sima, my mother's sister. Sima took care of my son when he first arrived in Israel, including getting him picked up from the airport and even keeping her house Pesachdig for an extra day because it was still Yom Tov for him. Sima and her husband Yehuda met us at ZYona's house, thus saving me a trip to Beersheva to meet them. Everyone else was pretty tired, but Yona and I stayed up very late talking about our kids. Sunday morning she drove us to Yerushalayim because she was still working there. We took the road through Ein Keram, a beautiful road that twists and turns up and down the mountains. I'm really glad she showed us that route.

After I returned Yisrael Mordechai to his group, I took a bus the Old City, determined to see as much of it as possible in the one day I had allotted to it. First I took a tour of the Tower of David and the Jerusalem Museum. Then I wandered through the Old City, stopping at the Museum of the Old Yishuv, The Cardo, The Burnt House of Kathros, the Herodian Quarter, and the Churva Synagogue (which is being rebuilt). I then decided to daven Mincha at the Kotel. Not a bad choice, but one that resulted in my missing the Davidson Archeological Museum, which I really wanted to see. I walked out the Sha'ar Ha'ashpot, trying to get to the City of David, but I took a wrong turn. I walked around the outside of the walls, saw the Hulda Gates and the Golden Gate. I also saw Yad Avshalom, Zechariah Tomb, and the rest of the valley. I kept walking until I reached the Sha'ar Ha' Arayot, the Lion Gate. I knew that this was the route through which the Jews re-entered the Old City in 1967. I also knew that it led to the Via Dolorosa, which I mistakenly thought meant that it was the Christian Quarter. Oops. By the time I realized where I was (the Moslem Quarter, I decided to imitate a Dutch tourist. I walked as fast as I could, looking straight ahead. Then I turned to go out the Damascus Gate. When I got to the top of the steps, there was an Israeli police jeep. I sat on the step nearest to them to rest, then took a taxi back to Maishel's house. That night, my cousin Tal called and took me out to see Yemin Moshe and the parks around it. (He is the brother of cousin Yona.)

I would have loved to have had another day or two or more in the Old City, but I decided that I wanted to also see the museums. And I needed to get my son his laundry that he had left with me. Fortunately, the hostel where his group was staying was in that neighborhood. I also wanted to meet with the Jerusalem College of Technology, as they awarded him a scholarship for winning the Diaspora Chidon. I packed his stuff onto my backpack and set out. After dropping the load of clean laundry, I went to the Bible Lands Museum. There I met a very nice a professional guide. Since there was no one else interested at that time. She gave me a personally guided tour, lasting about 2 hours. Then I went to the Israel Museum. I caught an English-language tour of their Betzalel School exhibit, then one of the Shrine of the Book. That was really fascinating to me. After that I had to head over to the college in Givat Mordechai.

I took a bus back to the Tachana Mercazit, intending to do some souvenir shopping. I ran into Rita, the mom from Austaralia, and we headed over the Machane Yehuda together. She bought more than I did. She really tried to get me to attend the Rembemberance Day ceremony at Biyanei HaOoma with her, but I was so tired that I decided to miss it. I went 'home' and went to bed early.

Tuesday was my day for Masada. I had booked a tour through one of the bus companies. We picked people up and various hotels and then drove to Masada. The ride through the desert was incredible, a world of harsh, stark beauty. There were a few small settlements of Bedouins, shacks made from wooden pallets. Then there are the plantations of date palms planted by the kibbutzim. The Dead Sea, a blue bluer than the summer sky on the clearest day. Finally we arrived at Masada. The tour I was with was a bilingual one, so I heard everything in English and...German. Hearing the story of Jewish resistance and heroism of Masada in German was just to weird for words. Cognitive dissonance doesn't begin to describe it. (There were a lot of Dutch tourists around this week.) I was disappointed that we did not spend more time on the summit. I've been fascinated by Masada ever since I read Yigal Yadin's book about the excavations. (You all have it on your shelves, take it down and read it!) After about an hour we returned to the cable car. The bus took us to lunch at the restaurant in Ein Gedi and then to the spa.

I had never been to a spa before. This one is pretty bare-bones, operated by the Israeli Parks department or something. There are indoor changing areas, and pools to bathe in the waters of the hot springs. Outside is a mud depot, where you can plaster your skin with black mud from the Dead Sea, and then a tracor-pulled train to the Sea itself. I tried the mineral pools, which are warm and smelly. I skipped the black mud and went down to the sea. It's quite a trip, as the waters are steadily receding. About 40 people were floating in a small area roped by bouys. You can't swim in the water, it's too thick, and there are no waves. You can just float. After a few minutes, the salt was stinging my hands, and I got out and showered off. Even after such a short time, my skin did feel softer and smoother. We got back on the bus, where our guide and driver explained that they could accept tips in any major currency.

Back in Jerusalem, Aunt Chani and Uncle Maishel were out overnight with their daughter in Beit Shemesh. The daughter who was staying home wasn't feeling well. I thought about just going to bed early, but it was my last night in Israel, not to mention being the eve of Yom Ha'aztmaut. I took the bus to the Kotel, getting there in time to be part of the very moving special Ma'ariv service for Yom Ha'atzmaut. I've heard this service before, in Boston and in Toronto, but being at the Kotel for it was just incredible. Towards the end, the whole men's side of the Kotel made one big circle to sing Ani Ma'amin, led by Rabbi Mordechai Elon.

Yom Ha'atzmaut was all about the Chidon itself. My husband's cousin accepted our extra tickets for himself and three of his kids. They saved me a seat, which was good because there were more tickets distributed than the number of seats in the theater, and it took me a while to get through the security. Not only did they scan our bags and send our persons through metal detectors, but each person has to explain how they got their tickets. Also, each person's hands and cellphone are swabbed with something that dectects explosive residues. Finally the show starts, broadcast live.My son does pretty well, misses only one question, and comes in fourth. He smiles at me and even waves a few times. Afterwards, I go back to the cousin's house for his annual bar-b-que. Aunt Chani and I take a taxi back to her place. I pack up and the sherut takes me back to the airport.

L'Hitraot!

Chidon Update

2006-05-04T20:04:00.000-07:00

Yisrael Mordechai came in fourth place in the Chidon Olami, the World Bible contest. First place is an Israeli girl, two more Israelis tied for second place, and third place is an American boy. (The other boy from Toronto came in fifth.)

I'm planning to write a nice long post about the absolutely incredible week I spent in Jerusalem, after I recover from the jet lag. Thanks to M-i-l, and big kids who took care of the little kids, and special thanks to hubby for convincing me (ordering, insisting) to go.

Mazal Tov!

2006-05-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

My son won! He is the Chatan Hatezufot, champion of the Diaspora. stay tuned for the Chidon Olami on Yom Ha-atzmaut.

Chidon Wars Part 2

2006-04-17T05:22:00.000-07:00

Sent the oldest kid off to Israel last night to compete in the International Bible Contest on Yom Ha'aztmaut. I'm worried about him, though not about his performance. For the next wewek we have him bouncing around a bit to various relatives, and I just really hope it all works out.

I Don't Want to Know

2006-04-10T17:50:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why, but way too many people, in discussing Pesach, have told me about their poop. If matza makes you constipated, I don't care. If red wine gives you the runs, I don't care. If romaine lettuce gives you more gas than the Alberta oil sands, I do not care. When did people start talking about this stuff?? Honestly, in my family, once you are out of diapers, I don't know and don't want to. And if I never diapered you, I really don't want to hear about ANY of your intestinal afflictions!!!! (Honorable mention to my m-i-l, who says "bowel movement" rather than poop. That's a phrase I never, ever want to hear, even when I am changing a diaper.)

I guess this post won't get any comments, but I don't care. Got to blow off steam somehow!

Where Do I Live?

2006-04-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

So apparently a guy blew himself up in the men's room of a coffee shop in downtown Toronto. Maybe on purpose, maybe an accident (?) Anyone want to explain?

Anniversary

2006-03-23T19:15:00.000-08:00

I've been writing this blog for a year or so now. Seems to me like a good time to evaluate whether or not to continue. I've enjoyed writing some times, others felt like homework. I had thought this would be a place to express some stuff I can't say, but since most of my readers know me in real life, that's not happening. What do you folks think? Keep blogging? Drop it before I start to repeat myself? Start a new, anonymous blog?

Purim Post

2006-03-12T19:49:00.000-08:00

THIS SPECIAL REPORT SPONSORED IN PART BY THE JEWISH EXERCISERS OF NORTH AMERICA.
FOR ALL THOSE EXERCISE LOVERS OUT THERE, ARTSCROLL HAS RECENTLY PUBLISHED A NEW HEBREW-ENGLISH EDITION OF THE CONTEMORARY VIEWS ON THE TALUMUD TORONTONI, MESECHET EXERCISIM. HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF OUR ALL-NEW WORK, WITH A NEW COMMENTARY ANTHOLOGIZED FROM TALMUDIC, MIDRASHIC AND RABBINIC WRITINGS. THE FOLLOWING ARE THE LAWS OF PERFORMING SIT-UPS, AS PRESENTED IN THIS EDITION.
Before beginning, one should meditate on the mitzvah about to be performed. Ones who daven Nusach Ashkenaz should meditate facing east; all others may face any direction. Followers of the Arizal have the custom to meditate while turning arould slowly in a circle. Each person should follow the custom of their congregation.
Assume the sit-up position. Ashkenazim start in the ‘up’ position; Sefaradim start in the ‘down’ position. Followers of the Chabad movement traditionally start in the middle - half-up, half-down. Each person should follow the custom of their congregation.
At this point one should recite the blessing ‘who has commanded us regarding the performing of the sit-ups.’ The Pri Migadim states that one should recite the benediction ‘who has commanded us to perform the sit-ups.’ The Ben Ish Chai maintains that one should recite the benediction ‘who has commanded us regarding the performance of various exercises,’ in case one continues to perform other exercises after the performance of the sit-ups.
Followers of the Vilna Gaon maintain that one should recite the blessing before assuming the sit-up position, while still standing. The Mogen Avraham states that one should recite the benediction only after performing the first sit-up, in case one gets interrupted before beginning the sit-ups. Each person should follow the custom of their congregation.
Some have the custom to recite here a brief Kabbalistic meditation on the importance of the mitzvah about to be performed. For the text of this meditation, refer to the Artscroll supplementary publication, 1001 Mystical Meditations, Mosnion Press, 5765.
Brace feet. Most rabbis agree that it is preferable to have someone else brace your feet, thus involving another Jew in the mitzvah. (However, this does not let the feet-holder fulfill his obligation regarding sit-ups; nor does counting while another Jew does the sit-ups.) The Arizal dictates that it is preferable to brace feet under a piece of furniture, freeing oneself from distractions in order to concentrate on the essence of the mitzvah. Each person should follow the custom of their congregation.
In dire circumstances, it is permissible to perform the sit-ups without having one’s feet braced at all; however one should have in mind that he intends to perform the sit-ups with his feet correctly braced later, without invalidating the first or second set of sit-ups. He should also have in mind that the blessing recited is for both the first and the second set of sit-ups. (See the Talmud Torontoni Mesechet Exercisim page 613c.)
There are differing Rabbinical opinions on whether it is correct to recite the benediction ‘who has brought us to this season’ before or after doing the first sit-up. It is therefore preferable not to recite it at all. Each person should follow the custom of their congregation.
Most rabbinical authorities agree with the view that if one is doing sit-ups at a set time every day, one should perform the Nullifying of Vows procedure. This will ensure that the routine performance of sit-ups does not come to be viewed as a vow, thus one is not committing a sin if one discontinues or alters the procedure. Each person should follow the custom of their congregation.
For a full discussion of all of these laws and various customs regarding this and other types of exercise, please see the complete new Artscroll edition of Mesechet Exercisin.
PLEASE NOTE: In cases of dissagreement between congregants as to the custom of the congregation, it is permissable to determine the custom by engaging in unarmed combat.

A Cold Day

2006-03-08T10:36:00.000-08:00

I went back to Milwaukee this past Sunday. My grandmother's sister, my Aunt Liz, passed away. High school kids were off on Monday, M-i-l was in town and available, so the kids could manage without me for 36 hours. They were fine.

The funeral was sad, as all such events are. My parents, grandfather, and sister's family were the only ones there. Grandpa David will be saying Kaddish for her, since there is no one else to do it. Liz never married, no children. Her friends are mostly gone. She wasn't alone in the sense that she was always close to my grandmother, but still... I was given the opportunity to say a few words in her memory. I said how much she cared about me and my siblings and our kids, how we were just like grandkids to her. She never missed sending a card for each of our birthdays, for Chanuka. She was at every Simcha, every graduation. I said that I would miss her very much. What I did not say, and I should have said, and wish I had said while she was alive, is that I loved her. I doubt Liz ever got the love she deserved. I wish I had given that to her when I could.

Shana Rishona plus 16

2006-03-01T20:01:00.000-08:00

A while ago, somebody did a post about this cute newlywed couple they were watching in the supermarket. You know, probably still in or just past Sheva Brachot, wandering around, trying to figure out which package of cheese to buy, do they really need peanut butter, splurging on two flavors of ice cream.

Well, tonight hubby and I went shopping together. Usually, I do groceries in the mornings, but he thought I needed to get out (he was right) and he had picture to pick up at the Superstore, so there we were. Wandering in search of the soy milk he likes (they don't have it? no, wait; it's organic; so it must be all the way up front rather than all the way back here with the regular milk), trying to figure out how much ground beef I can use between now and Pesach(at $2 a pound I can't afford to pass it up). (Answer: 3lbs per week x 6 weeks - the hamburgers already in the freezer + meatballs for the Purim Seuda to which he has invited his Grade 10 Extreme Talmud class). Splurging on the case of wipes because it comes with a tub in addition to the six refill packs. Smelling unopened soap packages to find the "flavor" I like. Arguing with the cashier about the cereal (the sign said $2.79, the scanner said $5.29, I got it free). Buying 4 bowls of tehina because it motivates the youngest kid to eat carrots. (It was also on sale, $2 instead of $3.29) Hubby marveling at the fact that I not only know where each thing is, but how much it costs here, and at two other stores. Stopping on the way home for a Slurpee big enough to share with the kids who were babysitting their siblings.

What do you think? Are we still cute?

You May Kiss My Hand

2006-02-19T18:22:00.000-08:00

Those of you with a Y chromosome are going to love me for saying this, but it's really true. With hubby gone all week, (see previous post) I am starting to appreciate his life a little more. I've had to drive the 7 am carpool, the 8 am carpool, and, on non-school days, the 7 am minyan run. (With 8am post minyan pickup, and 9am post-daf-yomi pickup, not to mention mincha-maariv shuttle run.) He does most of these every day of every week. (All I ever do is the 6 am daf yomi dropoff, and then only in weather I deem too hideous for Izzy to ride his bike. And then I get to brag about it.) Anyway, there is some real sacrifice here, of sleep if nothing else. I guess I'll be (slightly) nicer to him when he comes home.

Hubby In The Holy Land

2006-02-14T19:01:00.000-08:00

My hubby has gone off to Israel on a tour with his grade 10 students. It's a whirlwind bus tour, no two nights in the same place. With 65 kids. So I'm not really, really jealous...maybe I am!

It's 9 days, the longest we've ever been apart. Anybody think that's going to make a difference?

Homework for Parents

2006-02-03T10:46:00.000-08:00

My darling 5 year old daughter, known as Challah on this blog, came home today with a stuffed puppy. This is "Yaakov Hakelev". Each member of her class has taken Yaakov home for a weekend, and is expected to fill a few pages in Yaakov's diary by telling (in first person) what Yaakov did over Shabbat. I say it is the members of the class, but these are subliterate kids, so of course the moms are doing the writing. Ya'akov's diary is filled with pages of descriptions and digital pictures of menus, guests, Saturday-night slumber parties, etc.

I'm not that good at these things! This was going to be a really relaxed Shabbat for me. Challah and soup and cake and even kugel are coming from the freezer. We aren't having any guests. I don't have anything planned for Saturday night or Sunday. Now I either have to make some plans (to entertain a stuffed dog?) or figure out how to make my truly humdrum weekend sound as perky, gemutlich, and refreshing as the other 20 in the book (See what happens when you are at the end of the alphabet?). Who comes up with this stuff????

Just to be fair, I must have one soulmate among the moms in the class. Page 34 has a picture of the doggie looking out a car window. Someone locked Yaakov Hakelev in the trunk and fogot about him for the weekend.

Twelve Teenagers and a Gefilte Fish

2006-01-29T19:03:00.000-08:00

My hubby invited one of his classes over for Shabbat Dinner. Nine of them showed up, so with my three oldest kids (Joey and Solly were at Bobie's house) we had twelve teenagers at the table. They were a really nice bunch of kids and we had a great time. These were CHAT's frummest, so they were pretty comfortable with all of the Shabbat stuff. My girls made friends with one girl who is also headed for the Chidon HaTanach. And we all voted to change the name of their class from Special Talmud to Extreme Talmud.

Black Lipstick

2006-01-08T18:46:00.000-08:00

We spent this past Shabbat attending a Bar Mitzva of a nephew. The simcha was beautiful, the kid is smart, and it's always nice to meet more of the interesting people we are related to. Seriously, we had a great time.

There's one thing that I don't get. A dozen or more women, mostly young and pretty (and married) were wearing this really dark lipstick. Purple, I guess it is, but a dark purple, almost black. What is the point of this? I guess with dark hair and a black dress, it makes the skin look whiter, if that's the look you want, but I found it truly...scary. Pink, even red, people have lips that color, it looks nice, pretty, healthy. But black? Lions have black lips. The Uruk-Hai in Lord of The Ring have black mouths. Anyway, if you can tell me why anyone would do this to an otherwise attractive face, let me know.

Bragging About My Girls

2005-12-31T20:06:00.000-08:00

My older daughters, known on this blog as Skippy and Rocky announced last night that they have completed their study of Yeshaya (Isaiah). They are doing one perek (chapter) per day and are planning to work their way through the entire Tanach. (They are about 15 months into a projected 3 1/2 years of study.) I want to publicly wish them strength and success, and tell them how much nachas they give me and their Abba.

The almost final verse of Yeshaya, and the one read last: "And it shall be that on every Rosh Chodesh and every Shabbat all mankind will come to bow to Me, says G-d". May we merit seeing the fulfillment of this vision, speedily and in our time.

Xmas at the JCC

2005-12-25T18:06:00.000-08:00

Everything is closed today, right? Wrong! The JCC is open, and definetly the hottest ticket in town. There was supposed to be a Chanuka Party, but no one pre-registered, so they just made everything in the building free to anyone who said they came for the party. My kids played for more than an hour in the Jewish Discovery Museum, an hour in the Fun Zone (an indoor playground built out of a couple of disused raquetball courts) and we had an (overpriced) lunch in the cafe. We were thinking about going to the carnival run by the Jewish Russian Community, but it was too noisy and too crowded. Not a bad day, all things considered. I hope they run this deal again next year!

Boots

2005-12-21T19:01:00.000-08:00

As we have now had snow on the ground constantly for a whole month, and it will probably be here for 3 to 4 more months, my life is currently measured by how many times per day I put on and take off my boots. A sample:

9 am: Put on boots, drive kids to school. Do grocery shopping.
10:30: Remove boots at playgroup. (I keep a pair of cheap sandals in my car for these 'boots-off' locations)
12:30: Put on boots, drive home. Unload groceries (twelve bags and three boxes) into entryway.
12:45: Take off boots at home. Move groceries to kitchen.
4:20 : Put on boots, drive to pick up elementary school carpool.
4:50: Take off boots at home.
5:40: Put on boots to pick up high school girl from bus stop.
5:50 Take off boots at home.
6:40 Put on boots; drive son to floor hockey.
6:45 Take off boots.
7:50 Pick up son from floor hockey.
7:55 Take off boots.
8:30 Put on boots, drive hubby to his mom's house to borrow car to use while his is in the shop. Good thing I had them on, because the car was plowed in and covered in about 6 inches of snow.
9:45 Take off boots.

I'm going to wear out the zippers in these things in one winter.

Snow Flurries

2005-12-14T10:29:00.000-08:00

My newest pet peeve is our local weather forecast. I would like to think I'm as used to winter as the next person. I mean, the warmest place I've ever lived was Boston. When we lived in Wilkes-Barre, what with the rural scholl bus routes, I thought people overreacted to winter. School was delayed for pretty much any fresh snowfall, and closed if it snowed or was predicted to snow more than an inch or two during the day. But here in Toronto, we get the exact opposite. Four inches of fresh snow and my kids are still supposed to be in school at 8am. Today I heard a weather forecast predicting "flurries tomorrow, up to 10 cm." If I have to shovel it, it's not flurries.

18 Again?

2005-12-07T20:26:00.000-08:00

A blogger than I read occasionally just turned 19, which has me wondering how many of us would go back to 18 if we could. I just asked my hubby, who said he'd never go back to 18, because he'd have to worry about getting into university, but he'd take 19 or 20 if he could. Me? I'd never go back. What did I have then? A better body, of course. Tons of insecurities. Dating. Well, the actual dating part was kind of fun, but the agonizing over is-he-going-to-call, should-I-call-him, am-I-ever-going-to-meet-the-right-one,was the royal pits. No responsibilities. I was never very spontaneous anyway. No money, but then I needed very little since I was living in a dorm paid for by student loans. College, which I really loved and I guess I'd go back to that if I could. I'm still hoping to go next year.

What do the rest of you say? If you're old like me, would you go back? If you are 18, would you jump into your thirties if you could?

Harry Potter IV

2005-11-27T10:04:00.000-08:00

I took the three oldest kids to the new Harry Potter movie. It was pretty good, though very dark, and the helicopter camera shots give me vertigo. As I read in a review, if you haven't read the book, you can skip this one, because you won't have the slightest idea what's going on anway. I think this was the best of the Harry Potter books, and in putting it on the screen (in 2 1/2 hours) a lot of the fun and amusing bits get lost. Have fun if you go, though you could probably wait for the DVD.

Recipie Post

2005-11-24T08:42:00.000-08:00

This is a public service for those of you suffering withdrawal from the Pareve Duncan Hines. These recipies are one bowl, mix by hand (you can use a mixer but don't need to) and really easy to use and to remember.

Brownies:

1 cup oil
2 cups sugar
2/3 cup cocoa powder
4 eggs
1 cup flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 tbsp vanilla
1 cup flour

Dump all these into a large bowl, mixing after each addition. Spread batter in one of those foil pans, about 8x11 at the bottom, greased with cooking spray. (You can sprinkle a cup of chocolate chips on at this point, if you like.) Bake at 350 until a toothpick comes out with crumbs, not batter, on it.

1-2-3 Cake

1 cup oil
2 sugar
3 cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
2 cups water
3 eggs
1 tbsp vanilla
½ tsp salt

This is a great basic cake. You can bake it a one 9x13, two 8 or 9 inch rounds, one Bundt or about 24 cupcakes/muffins. Here are my favorite variations:

Carrot cake: Substitute 4 cups grated carrot for water. Add 1 egg and 2 tbsps cinnamon.

Banana cake: Substitute 4 large mashed bananas for water.

Marble cake: Pour 3/4 of batter into pan. Add 4 tbsps cocoa, 2 tbsps sugar to remaining batter and swirl into the white batter in the pan.

Blueberry cake or muffins: Substitute 1 cup of orange juice for the 2 cups water. After the batter is in the pan, scatter frozen blueberries liberally over it. Push some berries down into the batter.

Apple cake: Reduce water to 1 cup. Pour 3/4 of batter into pan. Cover with a layer of peeled, sliced apples mixed with cinnamon and brown sugar. (Dice the apples if you want to make this in muffin cups) Cover with remaining batter. This takes a long time to bake, about 75-90 minutes.

Confetti cake: Mix a few tbsp of multicolored sprinkles in just before you pour the batter into the pan. Stir gently, so the colors don't run. Very pretty for birthdays and Purim.

Kitten Claws

2005-11-21T18:56:00.000-08:00

I carpool with some other moms to get our five year olds to and from school. One partof this deal has my daughter playing after school with another little girl for an hour or so, two days a week. Mondays at my house and Tuesdays at hers. Usually, things go pretty well. Today, a third girl joined this little playdate. From the minute they walked into my house, the two guests were saying disparaging things about my daughter's stuff, toys, room and house. They also whispered in front of her without including her. I tried to steer them towards something they could do together, but every suggestion was countered. Fortunately, this was an abridged playdate because we had to do another dropoff/pickup. But I did tell the two guests (out of mydaughter's earshot) that I heard them whispering and I thought it was pretty awful to be so mean to her in her own house.

So, do I talk to the other moms about this or not? I like both of them, and also value the carpool relationship. Maybe I should just avoid this particular combination of personalities. When the other two kids (both boys) are with us in the car and at lunch, I don't see this behavior.

Pretending To Be Frum

2005-11-19T19:31:00.000-08:00

We spent this past Shabbat at my M-i-l's house. That was very nice. The shul down there, Clanton Park Synagogue (south means more frum in Toronto Orthodox circles) gets these live shiurim-by-satellite and hubby thought the Saturday night one sounded good so we went.

So did over a hundred other people. The women's section was definitely more crowded for this shiur than it was for Musaf. The shiur itself was okay, stimulating but not earth-shattering. But that so many people would come out for this on a Saturday night? That blows my mind. And why am I not (usually) one of them?

7 Meme Post

2005-10-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

I did do the "7 meme" post, but Blogger hasn't posted it. It was an interesting experience trying to think of 7 things I can do and 7 things I can't. I know I can do losts of things, but few of them seemed worthy of posting. Likewise, there are lots of things I don't do, but how many deserve to be ruled as things I can't do?

The 7 Meme

2005-10-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

As tagged by Psychotoddler:

7 things I can do:

1) Speak in front of a group, generally without stage fright.

2) Amuse and distract kvetchy people of all ages.

3) Basic plumbing repairs and simple carpentry.

4) Make a five kid carpool look easy.

5) Read 100 pages per hour of average material.

6) Produce one home-made, creative Purim costume per year.

7) Break a board with my bare hand.

7 things I can't do:

1) Sing

2) Dance

3) Draw

4) Touch my toes

5) Trick my husband

6) Stop worrying

7) Forget my mistakes

7 things I hope to do:

1) Lose weight

2) Get a Ph.D

3) Write a book

4) See my kids grow up happy

5) Earn money

6) Give people a good reason to remember me

7) Make a difference

7 things I say too often:

1) 7 kids

2) 3 girls; 4 boys

3) What happened?

4) On purpose or by accident?

5) I don't know where it is

6) We're almost there

7) I'll be right over

I Won the Jackpot!

2005-10-05T19:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, we aren't talking about the lottery here. But I am really excited. Having posted my expectations for my kids here before Rosh Hashana, I was afraid I'd have to eat my words.

First of all we got to shul at just the right time. The Or Chaim shul has a kiddush before the Shofar, and we arrived just as that was being cleared away and everyone was going back into the shul. Second, my girls and I had perfect seats. We were in the back row, right at the door. Third, Elmo fell asleep in his stroller during "Lamintzeach" and slept through until Kedusha (on the first day) . After that, and also on the second day, he was very happy in the nursery, which had toys, snacks and two babysitters. Challah liked it there too, but they both returned quickly, quietly and willingly, to hear the Shofar later.

Fourth, and deserving his own paragraph, Solly sat through the whole Musaf, both days. Admittedly, he was reading "The Midrash Says" part of that time, but he was in his spot, standing and sitting appropriately and quietly. Frankly, I had not though to demand this of him for another year or two. I'm really, really, proud.

As I had remembered, Or Chaim has a pretty snappy Musaf, about 2 hours from start to finish. The style is not classical chazanus, but rather kind of a sing-along. There are about 300 people in the shul, and most of them seem to be enjoying the davening. Also, because they are singing most of the time, there is very little talking.

Gmar Chatima Tova, hope everyone had as much fun as I did!

Correction

2005-10-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

Small mistake in my last post. My youngest is Elmo, and he's the one I expect so little from. Joey is almost Bar Mitzva and should (i"yh) be in shul for the whole of davening. Sorry about the nicknames, guys.

'Tis the Season

2005-10-01T20:49:00.000-07:00

Since we're Jews, and I assume anyone who bothers to read this is, the Holiday Season is upon us. Now, I'm not going to discuss cooking. At this point I've done so much cooking for so many Shabbatot and Yamim Tovim over the years, I can do it in my sleep. And believe me, I'd like to.

The big question, at least at the park in Thornhill this Shabbat, was about what to do with kids during the extended davening of the High Holidays. On the one hand, the davening is just plain long. Two hours or so for Musaf would be a fairly brisk pace. That's too long for a little kid to be asked to sit still. On the other hand, kids learn about Rosh Hashana for a whole month. They study the calls of the shofar, color pictures of a shofar, in some places even make a real one. (Ask your local Chabad representative if you've never seen that done.) Then they go to shul, maybe do a little davening, play games, read books, have a snack and go home. Without having heard the shofar! At least, that's the way it is at BAYT, our local mega-shul.

Now, I've got nothing against BAYT. I'm a paid-up member, I'm on the Youth Commitee and the Sisterhood. I think that in general, the job of keeping 200+ kids quiet and out of trouble over the High Holidays is done pretty well. Each kid gets a card (if they're under 5, a sticker for their clothing) saying who they are, what room they belong in, and where their parents are sitting. No one comes into the building without a card. But this system, as necessary as it is, tends to isolate the kids from the actual Rosh Hashana experience.

As a parent, you've got to think ahead, and to know what your kids are capable of. If you want your kids babysat, that's your decision. But no one else is going to teach your kids to sit in shul and daven, that I can promise. If you send kids out of shul when they are 8,9,and 10, you just might have trouble getting them back in at 11,12, and 13. For this and other reasons, I won't be there.

My plans, for my kids, are: The four big kids know how to daven, so they get to stay in shul the whole time. I hope they daven for me, because they'll be there much more than I will. Little Joey, I want him to hear the 'Tekiyot' before Musaf and be present for Bircat Kohanim. ( He doesn't really take to being babysat by strangers, so I might have to have him with me more, but that would be for my benefit, not his.) Challah should hear all of the 'Tekiyot' and Bircat Kohanim. Solly (the hardest age) should daven the bits he knows, and be present from U'nitaneh Tokef until the end of Kedusha. (I'll give him the Artscroll Machzor to read along, it will keep him interested for a few minutes) and the Shofar and Bircat Kohanim.

Hey, at least the kids will know what is expected of them. We are going to Bobie's house, so we'll be davening at the Or Chaim minyan. I was there a few years back for Yom Kippur, and it was a very pleasant, sing-along kind of davening.

L'shana Tova Tekateivu v'Techateimu !

Truly Odd Moment

2005-09-24T19:35:00.000-07:00

Ontario owes me money.

I'm kind of shocked about this, still more shocked that they admit it. Here is approximately what happened:

Every month I get a check (actually, direct deposit to my checking account) called my Child Care Tax Benefit, or CCTB. It's a form of welfare, I guess, sort of like the Earned Income Credit in the US. It goes to people who have kids and whose household income is below a certain amount. What it boils down to is that the government of Ontario is paying me for staying home with my kids, because if I were earning a salary I wouldn't get this. But I don't think I'd take a job that paid this low.

Usually I get it on the 20th, or earlier if the 20th falls on a weekend. So anyway, this month it didn't appear. This caused me to be overdrawn (September is an expensive month, with all the textbooks and school fees and stuff) and incur some fines from my bank. (The bank, Canada Trust, has been really helpful and cancelled the daily overdraft penalty after I explained that my CCTB payment hadn't shown up.) I figured I'd wait until Friday to call the government tax people, since that's the day I'm home anyway and can afford to spend an hour or two on hold.

Incredibly, I was only on hold for a few minutes. After verifying who I am, they explained that they were reworking my account because when I got my Social Insurance Number and sent in my T1 income tax form under that number, rather than the temporary file number that they had assigned me, the whole account gor tagged for review. The cross-referencing and whatever other arcane rituals required were completed on September 9th, so my next payment won't be until October. However, that payment will include an adjustment for the fact that for the past year and half they were paying me for six kids and since I have seven, they owe me a lump of money.

So if you see a blue moon this month, now you know why.

Catch as a One-person Game

2005-09-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

Little Elmo loves balls. He also loves baseball mitts. He likes to play catch with me, or with his brothers, but they always end up fighting over the ball. So last night I demonsrated to Joey and Solly how to play catch with Elmo.

We stand about six feet apart, in the living room. Elmo holds his mitt out to me and I gently toss the ball at the mitt. Because the mitt is upside down, the ball bounces off and rolls down the hall. Elmo chases it, comes back to his spot. I hold out my hands. He throws the ball, overhand, really whips it, about 4 feet to my left. I stand still, he chases it. H nabs the ball, comes back to his spot, and throws again, but lets go too soon, and it spins up towards the ceiling and lands behind him. He again retrieves it, returns to his spot, and throws. The ball bounces off of my knees...

Anyway, he had a great time.

Onions Can Make You Smile

2005-09-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

This morning, I called M-i-l to get her shopping list, since I was about to do my shopping. (I am famous at the local no-frills for needing two shopping carts) Among the other stuff, she asked me for a bag of onions.

This makes me deleriously happy. Onions are an ingredient! She's feeling well enough to be planning on cooking! (Not that I mind bringing her food) I'm thrilled that she seems to be getting better.

Party Pooped

2005-09-12T18:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my youngest daughter's birthday. I opted not to have a 'real party' with her classmates, because this is too complicated in the first week of school. She goes to a dayschool in the morning and a public school in the afternoon, so I'd have to invite about 40 kids, and there's no way to know who is in her class before school starts.

So last night we had a 'family party" at her Bobie's house, with pizza, cake and ice cream and soda (grape, at her request) Then this morning I brought doughnuts ( from one of the 2 approved nut-free bakeries in town) to her morning class. Then I brought Popsicles (also nut-free, thank you very much) to her afternoon school. Of course I did all of this with Elmo in tow.

Now, she's a great kid. Since the night I gave birth to her without really being in labor (long story, tell me if you actually want to hear it) , she has been by far my easiest kid. A real sunny personality, willing to go along and get along, and I truly think she should be celebrated for being who she is. But, I've had enough for now. No birthdays for at least a month, please.

The Tuesday we've all been waiting for!

2005-09-05T19:12:00.000-07:00

School starts in 9 hours and 47 minutes. An hour or two earlier for the older kids, and a day later for little Challah, but it's finally coming!

Bubby-sitting?

2005-09-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

The following is an excerpt from an email hubby sent to his family Yahoo group:

We've been doing our considerable share of "bubby" sitting. Ima is still laid-up by sciatica(spelling?) but her spirits are definitely positive. The kids and I have been running shifts in the house so that Ima does not have to get out of bed nor be left alone. Regardless of all the fancy solutions, I think bed rest and alternating good ol' ice-packs and heating pads are working best. May take a little longer but "we'll" get there! The kids have been very good chefs as well making her meals complete with room service:))

Nicknames

2005-08-31T13:12:00.000-07:00

As inspired by my brother-in-law, Psychotoddler I'd like to put nicknames for my kids in here. I'm tired of referring to them by age and gender, and don't really like the ide of putting their names on the Internet. However, I'm not going to work real hard on making up these nicknames, as another wise-mouth brother-in-law of mine has conveniently already assigned some. They are:

Izzy- Fifteen year old boy.

Skippy- Girl, age fourteen.

Rocky- Girl also, currently thirteen

Joey- Eleven, and a boy.

Solly- Eight and a half year old boy

Challah- She'll be five in a couple of weeks

Elmo- Boy, turning two at the end of October.

School Supplies Shopping or Keeping Wal-Mart Solvent

2005-08-30T18:30:00.000-07:00

Since school starts a week from today, I decided to buy my kids the stuff they supposedly need for school. I have six kids in three schools, and if I bought everything on every list it wouldn't fit in my oversized van. My third grader "needs":

15 Duo-Tangs (pocketsless folders with paper fasters in the middle)
5 pocket folders
8 spiral notebooks
4 non-spiral notebooks
7 Hebrew notebooks
300 sheets looseleaf paper
8 glue sticks
5 packages of pencils (50-60 pencils total)
4 colors of highlighters
blue, black and red pens
markers, thin and thick
crayons
colored pencils
tape
pencil boxes (2), and pencil cases(3)

And, of course, 6 boxes of tissues. Now that last item really burns my (expletive deleted). The school charges tuiton, does fundraising, has an endowment, and still can't order tissues by the case???? Something is seriously wrong.

The high school kids only need binders, folders and paper (and a $425 graphing calculator). However, they have to buy their textbooks. The "required to purchase from the school list " (as opposed to the "you might have these at home already list" and the "get these from a textbook bookstore list") for my daughter in 9th grade ran to $180. But at least they aren't required to bring their own toilet paper. Did I mention the $15 gym shirt required?

A final thought: I'm sure the teachers mean well, but the color-coding thing makes me a little nuts. My daughter in Senior Kindergarten (age 5) needs a red folder and a yellow one, a blue duo-tang and a green one, a blue binder and a white one. (What does a 5 year old need a binder for anyway?) Wal-Mart doest not have white binders, at least not in the 68 cents pile, so I'm sending a red one. Put me in the "time-out" chair if you must, but please don't call Child Protective Services.

Short End of the Stick

2005-08-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the shloshim (30th day commemmoration) for my father-in-law. About 200 men and about 50-70 women came to the Or Chaim Beit Midrash to listen to eulogies about him. The main speaker, Rabbi Marvin Pacino, was very good. So was my sister-in-law. And, in my unbiased opinion, my daughter Tzipporah spoke with a poise and maturity well beyond her years. My brother-in-law spoke very well, but about 15 minutes too long. I'm probably being really petty and cheap by saying that, but I'm really, if stupidly, angry. My husband and I spent about 8 hours writing his speech, trimming and editing to keep it within a self-imposed time limit of 5 minutes. After all, if people are nice enough to come out for such an event, we don't want them to come away saying that it was a painfully long program. So after working very hard on his speech, hubby decided not to give it, in order to have the evening which began with Minchaat 7:45, end with Maariv before 10. The only part of his speech he said was the part thanking me for keeping things going at our house while he was "sitting in hospitals, waiting rooms, or just at his father's bedside". It's really out of character for him to be that expressive in public, but it felt good to be thanked.

Out of the Frying Pan and into the Sandwich

2005-08-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

Camp has been great. A suspended reality. However, the family and I are back in Toronto and the real world.

My M-I-L is still with hubby's sister in Teaneck. Toward the end of shiva, M-I-L began to have severe leg and hip pain, apparently something like sciatica. Probably came from sitting on those low chairs, but that's water under the bridge. Anyway, she's been miserable, unable to sit with any comfort, for almost three weeks. She got to Teaneck for her grandson's bar mitzva by riding reclining in a car. Fortunately she's feeling a little better, but still in a lot of pain. She's coming back to Toronto this Monday, just in time for the Shloshim memorial service Monday evening. B-I-L and S-I-L are bringing her, but after the Shloshim, they go home.

So we'll be taking care of her, whatever that means.

Food and (lack of?) thought

2005-08-06T21:28:00.000-07:00

People have been wonderful during this past week. My husband's family has been sitting shiva, and friends of his parents have been sending in meals. The food has been from the nicest caterers and restaurants, heaps of food, beautifully presented. And I'm not complaining, honestly.

But while we are mourning the lost of someone who died of the combined effects of heart disease and diabetes, is it really appropriate to be eating cold cuts, deep fried chicken, and (not at the same meal obviously) cheesecake?

End of the Chapter

2005-08-02T19:36:00.000-07:00

My father-in -law, Rabbi Yitzchak (Irwin) Witty, passed away last Shabbat. I'm not going to try to tell you about him, he was way too impressive of a person to fit on my blog.

For any of you in Toronto, the family will be returning from the interrment in Israel on Wednesday night, and sitting Shiva at their home from Thursday until Sunday.

May his memory be a blessing for us all.

Last of the Sandwich

2005-08-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

My father-in-law, Rabbi Yitzchak Witty, passed away last Shabbat. His leviya (funeral) was yesterday afternoon here in Toronto. He will be buried today in Israel, in the Mizrachi cemetary in Beit Shemesh. The family will be sitting shiva in Toronto as of Wednesday afternoon.

Quick Update

2005-07-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

I'm at Boy Scout Camp with my family, and have very little access to a computer. See you all at the end of August!

Feasting and Family

2005-06-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

I realize that this is the traveling season, but I've seen (and am planning to see in the next few weeks) more family than the rest of the year put together. First my parents were here for Shavuot. They stayed a week, which was just about right. After that I run out of things to entertain them with.

Yesterday, I saw my sister's family (Psychotoddler and Mrs. Balabusta and their entourage). We had a nice dinner together at this Chinese place, which I think they really enjoyed. I know I did. If I'm going to pay to eat out, I want something I can't do better myself. My brother-in-law wrote on his blog that all of my kids are taller than he is, which is not true. We each have a fifteen-year-old son, and they are the same height. And three of my kids are still shorter than me.

The past couple of days my M-i-l's brother has been visiting. He lives in Israel and I had never met him before. He is easily the nuttiest of the Poupko clan, which is known for producing geniuses and nutcases, generally the same people. His flight today was canceled, so he accompanied my M-i-l to my daughter's 8th grade graduation. The graduation ceremony was mercifully brief. (Bragging note: My daughter recieved the award for Excellence in Secular Studies).

To My Husband onFather's Day

2005-06-19T18:26:00.000-07:00

(I'm safe writing real mush here, as he never reads my blog)

You were never the favorite child. You were never as smart as your brother, as sociable as your sisters. Since you were the youngest, you were the one they always had to find coverage for so they could travel. They worried about your grades, about where you might someday find a job. You were the little kid begging to be allowed to stay up late enough to see your dad when he came home. You were the one he had to cancel and entire year of 8pm meetings to teach for Bar Mitzva. You were the one still demanding a lick of honey before starting the new school year- even when the honey was handed through the window of car taking you to the airport for university.

You are the one who never thinks he has done enough. You answer the phone at 2 am with "I'll be right there." You fetch and carry and lift and massage. You make sure your mom makes sense out of medical jargon. You never expect any reward.

I hope at least one of our kids turns out like you.

Can't be in two sandwiches at the same time

2005-06-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

Now that Shavuot is over, my family is terribly excited about the beginning of the camp season. Hubby is a Camp Director for the Boy Scouts of America. We've been spending summers in Camp Kunatah since 1999, which means that through several changes of residence, my kids have had the same 'summer home'. We all have a really good feeling about the place.

The problem is, this will leave my husband's parents with no relatives in town. Two sisters in law may each be able to come for a weekend or two. But what if something goes really wrong? Hubby will come as soon as he is called, but that's still 7-8 hours driving. I feel really guilty leaving her here alone.

Not a Job for a Nice Jewish Boy

2005-05-28T20:09:00.000-07:00

My hubby is meeting with his shul board this week to find out if he is working for them for the next year or not. I honestly have no idea whether he is going to be renewed.

This is not because he is a bad rabbi. I think he is actually a pretty good one. It's because most of what he does is stuff you don't notice when it's done well, you only notice when it's done poorly or not at all. Also, the best, most important rabbi stuff is confidential, so the people who that affects aren't going to be in a big hurry to tell the shul's general meeting about it. I really hope they don't talk about me. For what they pay him, I don't think they should expect me to be working for them. (And I don't, just by the way. All I do is show up at shul almost every week.)

SoI'm prepared for the worst. The really lousy part, is that if the worst comes and they don't renew his contract, I can't tell him not to take it personally. I mean, what a rabbi sells to his shul is himself, so if they reject that, how is he supposed to take it?

Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be rabbis...

Commercial medicine

2005-05-25T20:34:00.000-07:00

As previously stated, I don't have TV. But my in-laws do. A week or so ago, M-i-l saw a commercial about a problem called NPH. It seems to describe F-i-l's recent symptoms to a T. So she asked me to look it up on line. Sure enough, there's a company marketing a surgically implanted device that treats NPH. (Of course, the website is US only, so it can't refer us to a neurosurgeon in Canada.)

My question is, now what? Do they take my little stack of printouts to their neurologist? Will this not offend a professional (who I certainly hope is more up on this than I am)? Is it better to hint around than to admit to web-surfing for medical advice? And who is supposed to be getting medical advice off of late-night cable channels from Buffalo, NY?

TV and me

2005-05-24T18:58:00.000-07:00

I have no liking for either the medium or the message. I can't stand to see my otherwise intelligent kids staring at the screen with their mouths hanging open. Hubby and I never bought one after we got married, at first because we didn't have the money. Later because we couldn't agree on where to put it. (He said not in the living room, I said not in my bedroom.) More recently, we decided our kids are better off without it.

The whole idea of TV limits, which M-i-l has always said is the best way, sounds to me like a great way to teach kids negotiating skills, particularly if there are several children in the house. Does each one choose a show? If each of mine chose 30 minutes a day, the set woulds be on for at least 3 hours. Do they all get to watch each other's choices? Who is responsible for policing the room so no one gets extra time?

A friend of mine turned off her TV last summer. She has 4 kids, ages 4,5, 7 and 10. Sometime in August, she accidentally watched an episode of Spongebob Squarepants, and that tore it. Unless she specifically authorizes it (and she does so less than once a week) the TV is off limits to the kids. Her family kvetched for about 2 weeks, but then started playing board games, imaginary games, reading more, all the stuff you would expect. She also says they are much easier to keep busy on Shabbat. The older ones have moved up a couple of reading levels in school.

Our new computer has a DVD player, so I'm actually watching much more than I used to. I just saw 'The Gangs of New York' and also 'The House of Mirth', ans a couple of Agatha Christie mysteries, all from the public library. I also have seen the Barney movie, because my 4 year old has been home sick 3 days in the past week, so I borrowed that for her. Is this a change in how I run my family? Are my values slipping? Should I be dropped from membership on the organization "TV Free America?"

Results are in...

2005-05-19T05:27:00.000-07:00

The end of the Chidon story is that my son is going to be sent to Israel to represent Canada in 2006. He came in second in the High School division. My daughter was in fourth place in the middle school division, just behind her best friend. I hope it encourages her to continue studying Tanach. She seems to have really enjoyed this year.

2005-05-19T05:24:00.001-07:00

2005-05-19T05:24:00.000-07:00

Chidon Wars

2005-05-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

Chidon Hatanach, the International Bible Contest, is a fascinating institution. It is as old as the State of Israel. Every Yom Ha'atzmaut, there is a final, televised quiz contest and the person who knows the most about the Tanach (the Jewish Bible) is declared the Chatan (or Kallah) Hatanach and gets personally congratulated by the President of Israel.

This week, Canada is choosing the representatives who will go to Israel next spring to compete on its behalf. These are chosen from among high-school students. There are also national championships for elementary and middle school students. There is also an English-language divsion for Hebrew School students.

My daughter in 7th grade is competing this year, as is my son in 9th grade. (Not in the same division, thank G-d). All year, they've been studying and it hasn't been a big deal, just a hobby, an after-school study group, a question at the Shabbos table. Suddenly, this week, everyone is on the bandwagon. It's like being part of an obscure sport you only hear about during the Olympics. People I don't know are wishing me luck. My kids' teammates are staying home from school to study. The mom who drives his carpool told my son that if he wins, or at least beats her neighbor's kid who goes to a different yeshiva, she's treating the whole carpool to dinner. Are these people nuts?

The Chidon is brings major bragging rights to the winners' school. Some of the administrators see it as a vindication of their entire educational program to bring home the gold. The high school teams get at least as much special treatment as the basketball teams from their schools. The elementary and middle school kids had their names annouced over the louspeaker with wishes for great success.

My son has a pretty good sense of humor, and seems pretty cool. Besides, he's in 9th grade, so I don't think he really expects to win, and he's got two more tries at it if he doesn't perform well this year. My daughter is putting a lot more pressure on herself, though I'm not sure why. She has another year in the middle-school division, no matter what happens. As a "good luck" gift, I bought her a locket shaped like a book, with "Tanach" engraved in Hebrew on the cover. Inside I put a tiny slip of paper with the pasuk, "Lo yamush sefer Hatorah hazot mipicha ad olam". That's what it's all about, right?

"Goat face"??????

2005-05-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by Psychotoddler. I have to choose five of the following to write about, and tag three other bloggers. I find this assignment stimulating, because most of these are as open to me now as they were in 1990.

If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be amusician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...(added by Tamara) If I could be a rabbi...

If I could be a farmer... I've considered this. I tell my family than when I retire from Momhood, I'm going to live in a cabin on a mountain and raise Japanese goldfish. There's big money in fish farming, like salmon and tilapia, but I don't want to work that hard. Koi are pretty, valuable and nondemanding. And I'd raise hydroponic tomatoes over the koi pond. And aquarium snails to eat the waste.

If I could be an athlete... I'd be a golfer. I suppose they do work out, but you never see them sweat.

If I could be an inn-keeper... Another job I've actually considered. I'd buy a big old house in a small town with a couple of universities nearby. I'd rent out bed-and-bath suites to parents dropping kids off in the fall, visiting them in the winter, going to graduations in the spring. If I could get a place with nice enough grounds, or in a tourist area. I could probably be busy most of the time. Breakfasts served in a big dining room with small tables, or in a picnic basket in the room. (No other meals available) I'd live in a one bedroom apartment I'd arrange on the first floor. I have a cousin in Cambridge who actually does this...

If I could be a professor... I'd teach English writing. So many people can't write a paragraph to save their lives. Doesn't matter what field you are in, good writing and good public speaking are always going to be important.

If I could be a rabbi... I wouldn't. Rabbis get their jobs because of their speaking ability, their erudition, their ability to make people see them as personal examples of yiras shomayim. They lose their jobs because they took too long to return a phone call or because they missed a sick visit or because they were out of town when someone died and another rabbi had to do the funeral. And those are the legitimate reasons!

I have a problem with the tagging thing. Besides the fact that I don't do chain letters, I think everyone who reads my blog regularly has been tagged, except Ms Balabusta. So you're on, Channe!

Tags:
Ms Balabusta
Mirty
Chayala

Rare and Overdone

2005-05-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

Now that the weather is almost decent here, I was thinking about getting a new grill. We used to have a propane type grill, very basic, but it's been outside for four or five winters, and a squirrel or something ate the venturi tube. (If I've got it right, that's the hose from the gas cylinder to the grill.) Also, we had to leave the cylinder behind when we moved across the border, and a new one is like $65.

I'm not a fanatic about barbecuing. We spend 2 months of the summer at Boy Scout Camp, where we can cook over an open fire any time we want. But I thought I might pick up a cheap, plain charcoal grill for hotdogs and hamburgers, maybe a few chicken wings. I certainly won't spend more than $20.

In my dreams I won't. The grills are almost all propane (I saw a few kettle type Weber grills, aroud $80) and most are bigger and fancier and more expensive than my stove. I could have gotten one with a rotissiere, two burners, and more controls than the cockpit of a 747, but I can't find one with a tray for the charcoal and wires for the hotdogs.

About that sandwich...

2005-05-09T20:20:00.000-07:00

Things with my in-laws are getting worse. Four hours a day with a personal care aide is not enough. F-i-l can no longer be counted on as able to transfer from bed to wheelchair to chair, and has just about given up on walking. M-i-l called hubby out late Thursday night (after midnight) to come help, and again Saturday night (1:45 am). Friday night two of my big kids were there. Last night, hubby slept over there, but tonight he sent the oldest son.

Now, I'd like to think I handled all this pretty well. I don't object to hubby going to his parents overnight, in fact I think it's better than calling him for help at 2 am. However, I'm really not happy about the kids being involved. The one who is there tonight just turned 15, and is a steady and level-headed as you are likely to find at that age. He is also very close to his Zaidie and wants to help. But should he really be there?

When I was in high school, I lived with my mother's parents. My mother's grandmother lived there too, when I was a freshman. She died that winter, I guess in February or early March. I woke in the middle of the night, saw the light on in the hall. I went into her room, where my grandparents were. She was facedown on the floor, with my grandfather starting to turn her over. I lifted her up and put her on her bed. Her face was all blue and I knew she was dead.

I did not sleep through a night for months after.

I'm really afraid of one of my kids being there at such a moment. They love their grandfather very much. (I was not very attached to my great-grandmother, as by the time I lived with her she was quite senile, though still very bossy.) His condition is not such that I consider his life to be in immediate danger, but who knows how many days they have?

For Pearl...Geekspeak Part II

2005-05-02T18:14:00.000-07:00

There were five immature simians engaging in temporary vertical displacements on the redundantly cushioned sleeping area,
One involuntarily descended and sustained a concussionary injury to his cranium,
The maternal parental entity established electronic voice communication with the primary health care practitioner,
Who said "There shall be no more simians engaging in temporary vertical displacements on the redundantly cushioned sleeping area!"

There were four immature simians...

Now you know how my house has been lately!

The Good Part

2005-04-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

This is the good part of Pesach, Chol Homoed, the weekdays in the middle of the holiday. bI have no idea why they are here. I guess it was just G-d's way of giving us a vacation. Kind of a little reward after the psychotic cleaning frenzy, and of course the family encounter group known as the Seder. Or maybe because if the holiday we only a couple of days, it wouldn't be worth all of the work we put into it. This year I intend to really enjoy these four days, especially as I'm in my own house! (we were with the in-laws for the first days). Hubby doesn't work on Chol Hamoed and I only have to cook for my own little crowd. And no carpool!

Payoff time...when you lest expect it

2005-04-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

Today, effectively 3 days before Pesach, some of my kids who have been complaining about the shortage of food in the house for the past few days, informed me that after school they were going to our local grocery store to get snacks. With their own money. I said okay, since they bike home and it's almost on their way. They got some treats and ate them outside, which can't have been all that much fun because it was cold and damp today. However, at dinner the three of them got up and left the kitchen together. They came back with three small flowering potted plants.

"For Ima, because we see how hard you are working for Pesach."

Chag Kasher V'Sameach?

2005-04-16T19:49:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, the standard greeting before Peseach was the same as any other holiday. "Gut Yontev", or "Chag Sameach" from our Israeli friends.About 10 or 15 years ago, I started to hear "Chag Kasher V'Sameach". Now, that seems to have become the norm, and I don't like it.

Really, what business is it of anyone's if my Pesach is kosher? We don't wish each other a "Shabbat Nishmar", or a "Succot Kasher"? So what's the deal with Pesach? The best I've heard so far (and I've given this riff a few outings in various venues) is that having knocked our kishkes out cleaning, and spent a fortune on kosher for Pesach food, we wish each other that no untoward event ruins any of it. Convoluted? I think so.

So, I'm not wishing anyone a kosher Pesach. (Okay, I guess I wish it to whomever gets the 15 lbs of matza and 12 cans of tuna I gave to the Pesach Food Drive.) But the rest of you, and I know my friends have varying levels of observance, I wish that your Pesach be joyous, meaningful and enlightening, and that it be as kosher as you intend it to be.

Pre-Pesach Psychosis

2005-04-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

I'm officially getting ready for Pesach, since we are now in Nisan. Most of the work in my house is done during the last week. I really don't get why folks I met before Purim already had zones of their houses off limits because they were cleaned for Pesach. G-d gave us a seven day holiday. We made it eight. Do we really to make ourselves meshuggeneh for two or three months. I say, if you can't clean it in a week, you either have too much house or too much stuff in it. Marbeh Nichasim, marbeh da'agah was written either about Pesach cleaning, moving, or fire insurance.

White Magic and the Challah Hotline

2005-04-01T08:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard of this "segula" for couples who want to have children but don't? Forty women bake challah, and in the process of taking of the piece over which the bracha is said, have in mind that the mitzva is being done in the merit of this couple. I first heard of this about two years ago. A friend of mine organized such an event for a woman she knew, who had been married more than ten years without having children. This woman concieved her son the month that the challah baking day took place. (My friend and a half-dozen others from the 40 women also became pregnant around that time.)

Okay, so it works. I'm not saying it doesn't work. If it didn't work, I'd put it in the same category as a lot of other segulas, ayin haras, and other bobeh meises, and I'd have no problem with it. But if this does work, isn't it like casting spells? How is this different than a neighbor of mine who was a "modern pagan" and burned nine feathers from nine birds on the ninth day of the ninth month in order to aquire some favor from the Earth goddess that she believes in?

If you say that this segula merely increases the merit of the couple so that G-d finally grants them progeny, then I have even bigger problems. What, they had no merit before? Would it have worked if the segula had been performed two or five years earlier? ( Did this segula coincide with an IVF cycle?) Was G-d waiting for the women of her community to bond together to help their friend?

I bake challah almost every week. And before I take challah, I call our local hotline so I can recite the prescibed "Yehi Ratzon" with that week's names in it. I'm not going to waste an easy opportunity to help someone over what must be an incredible heartbreak. But I'd really like to feel less like a white witch when I do it.

No good deed goes unpunished

2005-03-31T10:27:00.000-08:00

My husband and I are in the sandwich generation. Can't say we didn't do it on puropse, we jumped in here with our eyes wide open. Two years ago, hubby was looking for work, and I told him that we needed to move near his parents, because someday they would need us. Anyway, I still say it's not right when people raise their kids and then they all move away with no one to take care of the parents when they get old.

Someday came a lot sooner than I expected. His dad was still working almost full time when we moved here in August of 2003. Now he is nearly a complete invalid. He can barely walk, and that means with a walker and someone helping him. He is in nearly constant severe pain, and because of the medication has periods when he can't concentrate even enough to make conversation. He falls asleep in the middle of a sentence. My mother-in-law will not leave him alone in the house, even for a few minutes, even if he is in bed. (Thank G-d for a personal care attendant who comes a few hours each day.)

I'm trying to help them. Because I still have a toddler at home, I can't do much. Mostly, I run errands. Somehow, whatever I do for them turns out to be unsatisfactory. I buy something and it needs to be returned. Or I find it weeks later, unused, and my M-I-L says she did not want to hurt my feelings by asking me to return it. Or she wants me to do something for her in the house, but then reschedules it until she finds a time when I simply can't do it. Is it me? Does she want me to leave her alone? Is she taking out on me the fact that my F-I-L does this kind of thing to her?

I'm a MOM

2005-03-05T20:49:00.000-08:00

I really hate having to choose an occupation from a drop-down menu. Inevitably I get stuck with "Homemaker" as the closest thing to what I really do. I'm a mom, a full-time mom, a professional mom. Some days I might wax philosophical about the deep spiritual significance of what I do, but today is not one of them. It's not an adventure, it's just a job.

I don't like being forced to call myself a "homemaker" because it implies a whole bunch of things I don't do. My interest in interior decorating stops when the sheets match the pillowcases. My cooking has deteriorated to a half-dozen weeknight dinners that my family actually eats, and a few Shabbat dishes and specialties for guests. Even baking doesn't engage my creatitvity anymore. I've got five or six really good, totally reliable recipies, and anything else I read is either too much trouble or not likely to be better than those, or both. As far as housekeeping in concerned, I keep clothing and dishes washed and major traffic areas free of debris, and pay a cleaning lady to do the rest once a week.

The one thing I think I do really well is raise kids. People say they raise flowers, or puppies, so why can't I say I raise children?